California

I have prided myself on being a Southern Californian as long as I can remember.  There are so many things about my hometown and home state for which I have absolutely fallen.  After all, we're home to endlessly sunny days, the cast of The Hills, and the types of girls about which Katy Perry sings.  
I've also always been engaged in a love affair with the city of Los Angeles. To me, L.A. has long been my city of dreams- an inspired, beautiful place rich in the history of one of American's most prominent and influential industries. I loved that people flocked to Los Angeles in pursuit of admittedly far-fetched dreams, ones that I once shared and am currently struggling to let go. L.A. is glamorous, gritty in the best way possible, and eternally draped in red carpets.  It's my home. So why, at this moment, is it leaving me so disenchanted?
Well, while Los Angeles is indeed a mecca of dreamers and visionaries, it's also home to overindulgence, an excess of superficiality, and a number of phonies. I've realized recently that living in Los Angeles most of my life, while in so many ways a blessing, has also subjected me to a kind of materialistic pressure unseen elsewhere. I am not a Kardashian and I never will be, but over the years I have felt myself involuntarily striving towards some form of this wealth and beauty. Superficiality and an unhealthy desire for celebrity pervade this region of California. For most, that is undeniable. And it's leaving me with a bad taste in my mouth, not to mention a thoroughly botched spray tan.
I'm sure that these thoughts stem from my recent visit to my boyfriend's hometown in Northern California, just outside of San Francisco. I couldn't adequately explain it to you, but something up there tugged at my heart and opened my eyes.  It was just felt more real.  For one thing, I wasn't being haunted by slews of preteens dressed like Brandy Melville models or hearing about my once-teammmate's brother's friend who just got an agent.  The streets were green and the people were kind and I felt... different.  San Francisco was inspired and graceful, as well.  I just appreciated it all immensely.
I remember having a conversation last summer with a friend who now lives out of state. Vaguely, I recall her saying something about appreciating her escape from SoCal and from its superficiality.  At that moment, I wasn't exactly sure what she meant.  I even went so far as to go on the defensive. I remember thinking, what was she talking about?  This is Los Angeles, lady, everybody wants to be here.  But now, I think I understand.
And I'm not sure what do about it.
I want you to know that I don't think that every person that has ever set foot in the Los Angeles region is money-grubbing or fame-seeking.  I was raised here, and although I have my doubts, I still love it.  Moreover, I have such respect for the people who come to L.A. to chase ambitions and succeed in the entertainment industry.  For the longest time I have wanted to be part of that, and I am not sure even now whether or not I no longer do.
I just wanted to express that my visit to NorCal was refreshing.  It reminded me that there's more to the world than my precious Los Angeles. And although I've always known that, I'm only now truly recognizing it.